I have a really hot waiter.
Guys he came back with my food and said, “Careful the plate is hot too.” So I asked, “too?” and hE TOUCHED MY SHOULDER THEN MADE A SIZZLING NOISE.
IM FREAKING OUT WHAT DO I DO.
wanna know what these all say?
"suck his dick"
(Source: thereadysext, via r-u-forreal)
8:37 am • 2 March 2014 • 295,881 notes
IM DRIVING TO SCHOOL AND I FORGOT THAT I HAD A PERIOD APP TO WARN ME AND I CAN’T BREATHE OH MY GOD
8:37 am • 2 March 2014 • 148,112 notes
I once went to a concert with a friend (I don’t remember the band, she dragged me along) when I was 16. They were starting a wall of death and this guy who was flirting with me decides it would be funny to pull my top down, exposing my breasts, then throw me in the middle of this wall of death right as it’s about to meet. When I stumble in the middle and hit the wall someone screamed “STOP! EXPOSED GIRL!” and I thought they were all going to oggle at me. Instead, one guy quickly helped me cover up, three more helped me to my feet, and another asked who did that. When I pointed out the guy, two of them looked at him, me, each other, then nodded and punched the guy in the face before forcing him into the wall that was about to form again.
Metal men are gentlemenly as shit.
This fucking this^^^
I’ve always loved this.
I went to my first concert a few months ago and there were these really tall men with black vest tops and tattoos and piercings surrounding us screaming loudly when the music started playing, but then we realised this kid in the crowd had lost his mum so they tried to comfort him and when he started crying they asked him his name and he shakily sobbed “Eliot” at which point they lifted him in the air onto the shoulder’s and shouted at the top of their lungs “ELIOT’S MUM, ELIOT IS LOOKING FOR YOU. EXCUSE ME HAS ANYONE SEEN ELIOT’S MUM!!!” at which point Eliot started giggling between sobs until he finally found his mum while in the air.
Seriously, I have felt safer in groups of death metal dudes than in the group of the preppiest preps that ever prepped.
Metal guys are one big family. Simple as that.
(Source: psihoticno-sarkasticna, via r-u-forreal)
8:27 am • 2 March 2014 • 787,071 notes
This is literally my favorite thing someone has ever said.
(Source: , via omw-to-stealyour-url)
8:24 am • 2 March 2014 • 280,366 notes
So I don’t know if you knew but there are these new mouthwash bottles.
And when you squeeze the bottle the top fills up.
And no more will come out.
So here’s my proposition…
YOU WILL NEVER NEED A SHOT GLASS AGAIN
YOUR MOVE ALCOHOL INDUSTRY
(Source: lora-does-things, via r-u-forreal)
8:22 am • 2 March 2014 • 283,800 notes
did you guys know the whole “bunny ears” thing in photos originated in medieval times and actually they were horns and they symbolized that you were fucking the guy you were standing behind’s wife. imagine all the four year old boys doing that symbol right this second and not knowing what they’re doing. history is great
8:21 am • 2 March 2014 • 6,249 notes
once i had a dream that my cat was working at mcdonalds w/ me and she had a lil uniform and she kept getting fur in the fries and everyone was yelling at me and saying “ur cat sucks on fries” and i was like “shes just a cat give her a break!” and i woke up crying
8:15 am • 2 March 2014 • 98,772 notes